Healed

I do miss you I won’t lie but not as much as I use to, I do care and love you but not more then a friend. I was so stupid to think we could be friends after all that’s happened but I wont say never cause we can only plan but god knows better, so maybe one day we could. I feel a huge set of pain, feelings and fear being lifted off my chest, now I see the bigger picture and all that’s gone down.

“And I hope you find it,

What you're looking for

And I hope it's everything you dreamed your life could be

And so much more

And I hope you're happy, wherever you are

I wanted you to know that

And nothing's gonna change that

And I hope you find it”

Life is becoming brighter and getting myself out there doing things I wanted to, going places I wanted to. Making new friends and improving myself is my new goal and target, I will work hard to achieve my goals.

Any to all my newly wed friends congratulations is in order, may you have eternal happiness and be bless with may cute babies. To my bestie thanks for choosing to be the godmother to your baby girl and I hope she likes all the gifts I got her ;)

Regret

This is the feeling I am having, I just regret of how things turned out to be. Lately I have been missing D more then ever, there is this strong feeling of me wanting to hear, see and touch D. I have not had this feeling in awhile now but somehow I been feeling it hard and a lot lately.

Somehow I think I am regretting my decision of breaking up with her and causing her hurt. I know I should just forget it and move on but something within me which is making it hard to do it. I just want to have a nice long talk and giggles with D like we used to.

Sadden with all that’s happened I lost my best friend and comfort, I wish I could turn back time and make it all better. I will just remove one thing from my life and the whole situation will be fixed but there isn’t anything that can make it happen.

One thing I know for sure regret is deadly venom that takes over and controls you. I should have listen to myself and given time before making a decision.

Decisions...Decisions....

I wonder how far this new relationship I build can survive. Its been so rocky, unstable and many fights. Heartache is my constant companion lately, I just don't know what's going on in my mind and what I want.
　
When my old relationship came crashing down I immediately ran into a new one, just because I felt safe and happiness again. I think it was my mistake I should have let myself heal or cleared my mind before making a decision. Everything happened so fast and now when I look back seems like everything I am doing lately is so wrong.

So many things keep bothering me, makes me feel like I am nothing but a rug where I constantly let people step and bring me down. I just don't have the strength to fight or argue anymore, I just wanna be free and feel free. Just something I realize lately even thou you are happy there are some unhappiness that can destroy that unless you fully let if off you chest. I just need to let all of this off my chest. I really hope it can happen soon as I really can't take it anymore.

In my professional working life, I been doing really great lately and everything seems to be going my way. I just think I should do more to achieve more so I can set a great career growth path. But on the bright side I have a really great boss, a sporting and crazy one that is. She's been so supportive and courage in both my work and personal life. I think that the best one can hope for.

To be continued...

A Life Lesson On Relationships

There’s always a lesson to be learned when you’re in a relationship, the lessons maybe good or bad either way it will only make your next relationship better. Each relationship will have its own flaws and uncountable amount of happiness shared, but the lessons you learn from you previous relationships will only help to make things better. Memories are one of the best things that you will ever take away from a relationship, just remember the good ones to play over and over again in your mind, as for the negative once should be thrown far-far away even thou you remember every single bad moment. What ever that we been thru love is always wonderful and a part of us always wants to do it over and over again so never regret for falling in love and wanting to do it all over again as its one of the best gifts in life.

What I have learned from all that’s happened lately is never take your partner, husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend and etc ever for granted. At a certain point of your relationship you will start to get comfortable and forget to take care of yourself and your partner, you let lose and forget to care. When this happens it will take a great toll on your relationship even without you realizing its happening. Being comfortable has its areas not everything is meant to be shared, some things are best kept low and meant to be the small surprises a relationship can offer. Taking someone for granted is like saying directly to the person you don’t matter no more to me and I don’t need to impress you anymore. The dating game is fun and every relationship should be practicing and maintaining it no matter how long you have been together. Having mutual friends and hanging out together in a big group once awhile is always good, because there are things about our partner that maybe our friends know and we don’t and can help us to understand better.

As for my relationship it ended because the both of us got too comfortable and forgotten to care and make things between us exciting. Not to mention the things we did not bother to discuss or work it out cause we both always assumed that we won’t leave and being busy with our work and business. Relationship takes a lot of work and communication without either of this it’s hard to build a solid foundation. Communication is a key to a long lasting relationship cause we must be able to share and talk about things that worries us openly with our partner. No doubt we have been thru a lot and have managed to make it thru it all the obstacles, but somehow we as human manage to break love we build. What I feel now is like losing a part of me that I want back badly but won’t be able to patch it into a perfect piece, so giving it up is the best option then suffering or hurting each other just because we like each others company. It’s a sad situation but it has to be done before we landed up back in the same situation and feel even worst.

Everyone around us is still hoping we reconcile and get back together, because they say we made a great couple and have all the things needed to make a relationship work. Everyone is giving their opinion about the relationship but no one has stop to think what they should really do for us is just to be there in case we needed to talk or a shoulder to lean on. Yes no doubt we were could get along perfectly, compromise on many level, meet each other expectation and had the same plan for future. There is a part of me that wishes I could just could go back and change the things that made things to reach this level so no of this would have happened, but there is a saying that all things happens for a reason. I believe this test came to see how we would handle it and how strong our love was unfortunately we both failed miserably and allowed it to reach to this.

I love you more then I could ever imagine, but now I can see I have to let you go because I been proven wrong thinking that we “US” deserve another chance and we could make it. It hurts like F**King hell but it’s so clear we both have moved on in our own way, coming to a point we both don’t trust each other is for sure not a good sign to be trying to fix “US” again. I know the mistakes we made is mutual so there is no one really to be blame for us breaking what we have it happened mutually without us realizing it. It’s so sad to see “US” come to this but it’s far too late to fix anything anymore.

I love you my dear and I hope we both will find eternal happiness. :(

Bidding Good Bye To The last 5Year’s++ Half Of My Life

10 Sept 2006- 30 November 2011

I am so sorry baby that it had to come to and end this way. You lost the love that loved you the most, and now you want me one more time but it’s too late. I loved you with all my heart I poured every inch or my energy and heart into the relationship we once had. You took me for granted, said hurtful things and kept pushing me away. Why did it take you so long to realize that I was the one for you, the one who could love you for all that you were. So now don’t come back for me, don’t come back at all and hurt me any deeper.

I wish you would have realized all this very much earlier and done something to fix it, now it’s too late to fix anything. So please stop trying because I truly believe you will be much happier with someone else. I don’t want to be the reason for your hurt and pain anymore, I loved you more then you will ever know. I need to stop being selfish as you once claimed it and let you move on and find someone who can treat you the way you want and need. Finally you’re getting the wish you always wanted, so be happy with it. It may be the hardest thing I will ever do but I got to do it. Only god will know and be my witness how much it ache’s me to say good bye to everything we build and have but it has to be done. It will always leave a huge scar in my life knowing that this could have work if only your saw what I saw and believed in.

I been neglected and hurt by your actions, which made it easy for me to accept someone else in my life. It may seem cruel to others that I am moving on in such a short time from the period of our break up, but I have found someone who can make laugh, listen, accept me for me and treat me right. I know you will find someone who can bring all the happiness in your life as well, I truly hope you be happy for me and find your very own happiness as well.

Lots of Love,

Your Munchkin

Formula For A Happy Marriage

1. Hot meals every day will keep hunger away!

2.A foot massage each night will prevent a fight!

3. An sms to show u care will make arguments rare!

4. Seeking permission for everything will increase the understanding!

5. Admit when u r wrong and that will make you strong!

6. Hide each others sins even if it is the size of a pin!

7. Treat each others parents like your own and with any misunderstanding never moan!

8. Be ready to help others in difficulty and GOD will help you definitely!

9. Never reveal to others what happens at your new house or what occurs between you and your spouse!

10. Thank GOD everyday for His bounties and blessings and keep on striving in everyone’s happiness.

Ex-Factor

Ok ok so its been awhile since this blog has been updated. I know I am bad, well I been really busy with work, studies and stuff but I have an interesting story and question to share with you guys.

It was sometime last week when I ran into an really old "friend", we haven't seen each other like what 10 years plus. So she was like hey babe! Remember me .... We used to hang together and have sleep overs and all. I was like wait who are you again? Have we meet??

Hahah being that she dose not look like anyone I know, then it snap was she the one I had my little experiment with?? Then all of a sudden, my past starts flashing in front of me you know like in the movies and the things I have done. OMG OMG Its her Its really her and my heart was beating so fast like I am about to have a heart attack.

This was my 1st "...." relationship, and she is standing there smiling and grinning. I dint know how to respond to being seeing her after all this while. All this while I amused she was in Australia, I can't lie and say I wasn't slightly happy to see her. Then she introduce me to her partner and told me how they were married and had a kid. I just respond owh HI nice to meet you, I am happy for you .... Glad you got what you wanted in life to have a family and a great job.

How sweet is that, if only Malaysia would allow same sex marriage a lot of people out there would be as happy as they were. But NO you can't do that in Malaysia unless its unofficial and done secretly...

So now my interesting question here is what should we do when we run into an ex, someone who has been a part of your life before? hmm for me I have practice a non-ex factor life, and I like it no drama, no games, no pain.

+ Relationships +

I was browsing thru a friends blog, she took this test about her coming to 6 year relationship with her boy and guess what her results we not so good to know...so I tried it for myself and guess what??? WHAT your asking read below...

You Have Very Healthy Relationships

You are an amazing friend, partner, and family member. You always take other people's feelings into account, and you're never selfish. Your relationships are based on mutual respect. You respect the people you love, and you only love people who respect you in return.

Do You Have Healthy Relationships?

Even The Best Relationship Need To Remember This...

If u can always find time to talk it out
If u can listen with your heart
If u can open up doors that sometimes
get closed off to your innermost feelings
If u can be gentle
If u can be strong
If u can walk the unknown journey
and always take one another along
If u can help each other over the rises
If u can understand any tears that fall
If u can build the bridges that will take
you over the highest walls
If u can go to the special places
where the most perfect truth exists
you will discover that love
will always be
the best thing that there is.....

Thanks for being my everything...
I love you HUBBY... now and for ever....

It has been a crazy time for us!!

I know I been neglecting my blog for some time now, just that we have been really busy with everything happening around us. We have to make a really big decision with such a short time given such a dilemma.

Lately work has been like usual sucks and suck and sucks, there is not good about work thou unless your Xiaxue. Who gets to work from the comfort of home doing what she likes. Other then that everything has been perfect love, family, friends and etc.

This is just a short update so you guys will know what I am up to. Will blog a really long entry soon.

+ MeEtInG tHe InLaws +

Early last month I brought hub's to meet my family, and this was going to be the 1st time they are going to meet my hub's. I was pretty nervous about the meeting, but thanked god everything went so well in fact it was perfect.

Hubby and mummy.

For all those who know my mum and brother, you will know why the hell I was so nervous. I am so glad that my mum and bro liked hub's infect they got pretty close over the 1st visit, and closer over the second.
The 1st time they meet was a day before we went up to gentings, and the second was the same day we came down for gentings. As soon as we cam down we meet up with
MAY LEE and NOE, before we headed back to my mums place to go for dinner.

Maylee and me, Noe and me.

We took my mum to pizza hut and stuffed our faced, then we took her to TITIWANGSA and took lots pictures. Then we headed home with the in tension to drop her off and check in some where , but she told us to bonk at her place. I was so shocked in so many years she has never offered me and all of the sudden, I was glad and happy.

My mum and bro could get along so well with hubs, thanked god everything went well. I am so glad I have hub's in my life. I love hubby boobie muakss...

p:s/ sorry for the late update guys.

Sick and tired of all this talk about….

People can be so shallow sometimes and it just show how uneducated they can be sometimes. I just wish for once they will use all they education they got and start to think more openly and accept facts as they are.

In case you all are still blur about what the hell I am talking about, I am talking about all the issues that are currently making headlines in our local papers. Last week they talked about a LESBIAN party that happened in some room in Jalan Imbi, Bukit Bintang. The week before about GAY culture and week before they touch about youths now days are to influence by the western culture. So they start to blame here and there, if something is meant to happen it will.

This is so fucked up, cant they open they eyes and realize that NON-STRAIGHT relationships began in the era of 1950s, even before some of them are born. At that point there were a lot of propaganda and discrimination, after years as early as in the 1970s the government in Los Angels allowed same sex marriage and recognizes their rights. We can only plan but god has a planned even before us, he knows ahead what is or going to happen even before we were able to talk. That why they are called “GOD THEY ALMIGHTY” or “ALLAH MAHA MENGETAHUI”.

They are so worried about NON-STRAIGHT people and what happens to people like us if happens a break up or something similar like that. People who are STRAIGHT and married are getting divorce and their cases are increasing each day, why can’t they solve that first?? What’s funny some of the divorcees after getting divorce, they get into a GAY or LESBIAN relationship and they are much happier then before. Why should they put a stop to someone happiness?

All we need is for the government to back off and let us handle our own problem and personal life. We don’t need extra attention or counseling, we have our own self-conscious to think and make decisions in our life!! If anything happens to us, we are the one who is going to pay not them. If they want to give us right in this country which I doubt it, then proceed with the process so that all this bullshit can stop. WE DON’T NEED HELP!!!WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE DOING!!

We are happy the way we are and NOBODY, I mean it NOBODY have the right to take away happiness away from us. Not YOU not ME not the GOVERNMENT except for GOD.

With that said I feel much better can sleep in peace now.. Alright nighty night people.

Is It Right or Wrong ??

Is it wrong to be in a relationship that is not straight?

As many of you know I am in a relationship with a butch, and I don’t see anything wrong about it. According to religion yes it’s wrong!! But to me if your heart is cant accept the opposite sex of you, how can you possibly be in a normally relationship??

There are many butches in this country which are forced and treated by their parents to get married, some turn out to be okay but 80% of them still have a bi-sexual relationship. Isn’t this much worst then just being not straight, to me each person is given a choice in life. That choice gives them the right to choose what orientation they wanna be!!! And not be force and threats.

Some people look down on people who are not in a straight relationship, some even exiles them. Do you know that people who live to be in a not straight relationship are the people who works the hardest to live, and they do manage to. Did you also know not only people who are under educated who turn out to be like this as mention and assume by the government. There are people who are highly educated who are also like that, not only normal people but arties as well are involved.

I am still wondering and pondering about this issue, as we know we can’t really talk about this in our country freely. Just curios if it’s that wrong, why certain country does allow marriage of same sexes and officially bounding them and providing constitution rights. These rights are given to them and its rights are protected, they even are free to move around and be a normally family.

To me I don’t think it’s wrong as long it dose not harm anyone. If MALAYSIA would CONSIDER having a constitution right for gays like SINGAPORE it would be excellent. We know even the government are well educated on the growth of non straight people in our country, the rapid growth are serious to them. Instead of trying their best to prevent it and shade hide, why they don’t try to just allow and give them some right. They say IT’S A FREE COUNTRY SPEAK YOUR MIND!!! Why not try it right??

Just a wondering WHY NOT???