Guess what this now when I was jotting down the date when I just realized that, day by day I am growing older. It was just like yesterday was march now is august. Time flies so fast even without we realizing it, a bit the scary right. Like one minute I was 20 later see see I am like 30, what the hell. But that's not the story here is what I wanted to blog about...
People say blood is ticker then blood and that's true, even how far I've tried to run away from my mum and family it seems not far enough. I have been running almost 3years now, trying to get as far as I can. But some how where ever I go is never far enough, then only to realize that I carry a piece of them in myself without realizing it.
Last weekend I found out that my mum just came out of a coma a really bad one, and I feel so crushed and damage about that news. Then I started to realize that nothing can change the fact that they are a part of my life and how far I go, they will remain in my life and nothing I do can change that fact. Cause I started to break down into tears even thou I promised myself not to let them get the best of me or hurt me in anyway but it did.
I even got mad at my mom cause nobody bother to call and inform me, can you imagine that. How could they be so cold towards me??Why treat me like that??Don't I even matter even a bit??Gosh such hypocrites man this people, call them self so religious go here and there to preach, to not break any of gods commands but they them self??CRABBINESS LA wtfff....
The thing I am afraid of most now is the pain its going to cause me, when eventually something really bad happens. I have open the doors of my heart not to hate them but to forgive them and accept them in back in my life.GOSH why on earth did I do that also I don't know!!!As it is now I am feeling so bad, just not being there for her at her time of need. I don't want to miss out on anything, I want to be able to say how sorry I am for all the things I have done to her.
People say blood is ticker then blood and that's true, even how far I've tried to run away from my mum and family it seems not far enough. I have been running almost 3years now, trying to get as far as I can. But some how where ever I go is never far enough, then only to realize that I carry a piece of them in myself without realizing it.
Last weekend I found out that my mum just came out of a coma a really bad one, and I feel so crushed and damage about that news. Then I started to realize that nothing can change the fact that they are a part of my life and how far I go, they will remain in my life and nothing I do can change that fact. Cause I started to break down into tears even thou I promised myself not to let them get the best of me or hurt me in anyway but it did.
I even got mad at my mom cause nobody bother to call and inform me, can you imagine that. How could they be so cold towards me??Why treat me like that??Don't I even matter even a bit??Gosh such hypocrites man this people, call them self so religious go here and there to preach, to not break any of gods commands but they them self??CRABBINESS LA wtfff....
The thing I am afraid of most now is the pain its going to cause me, when eventually something really bad happens. I have open the doors of my heart not to hate them but to forgive them and accept them in back in my life.GOSH why on earth did I do that also I don't know!!!As it is now I am feeling so bad, just not being there for her at her time of need. I don't want to miss out on anything, I want to be able to say how sorry I am for all the things I have done to her.
The most important thing I am trying to do my best to make things right, the effort I make that matters right?? If by my efforts they still cant see how much I am trying to make things better, I really don't know what else I got to.
I am so glad that I have D by my side, D has help me so much. I am so glad really thrill that I have her in my life. Thanks baby Boobie for always being there for me, I love you.
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